Introduction
While cats are often seen as independent and aloof, the truth is that many cats form strong bonds with their human companions. A cat’s relationship with a person is complex and based on multiple factors. Some key ways cats choose who to bond with include food, positive interactions, routine, scent, body language, and personality match. The human who consistently provides food, affection, playtime, and attention is most likely to become a cat’s favorite. Cats also tend to bond with those they have positive experiences with and mesh well with personality-wise. Understanding what attracts cats is key to building a mutual bond and being chosen as a feline’s top human.
Food
Food plays an important role in how cats form bonds. Cats are more likely to bond with those who regularly feed them, as the act of feeding becomes associated with that person in the cat’s mind (1). This is because cats have not fully adapted to domestication, so obtaining food from humans taps into their natural scavenging instincts.
Cats that are fed a consistent, predictable schedule by a particular person will begin to associate that individual with receiving food. The cat becomes bonded through this regular positive reinforcement. In fact, cats can tell who feeds them just by footsteps or other sounds associated with that person arriving to deliver their meals (1).
It’s important for bonding that cats are fed a consistent schedule, as changes or unpredictability in feeding times and locations can lead to anxiety and stress. Cats prefer routines when it comes to eating. Following predictable feedings from a consistent person helps provide security and facilitates bonding.
(1) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7415653/
Positive Interactions
Playing with a cat every day promotes bonding and mutual trust. According to Hill’s Pet “Playing With Your Cat Can Improve Its Health”, two play sessions per day would be ideal for both you and your cat.
Petting and grooming a cat can also help strengthen the bond. Gentle strokes and massages release endorphins in the cat, promoting relaxation and happiness. Quality time together allows the cat to associate you with comfort and joy.
Regular play time and affection shows the cat that you wish to interact positively. Over time, daily positive interactions will deepen your connection and the cat will be more inclined to bond with you.
Routine
Cats are creatures of habit and tend to form strong bonds with those that are a consistent part of their daily routine. They thrive on regular schedules and prefer when things happen at predictable times. For example, a cat that is fed, played with, and given affection by the same person every morning and evening will likely form an attachment to that individual.
Cats show anticipation and excitement when their favorite people arrive home from work or wake up in the morning because it signals the start of their special bonding time. The person who regularly feeds, grooms, plays with and cares for a cat becomes associated with positive experiences in the cat’s mind.
Establishing set routines and sticking to them is key to bonding with a cat. Actions like feeding at the same time each day, having a regular play session, or a nighttime cuddle routine can help a cat form a closer connection. Consistency allows trust to develop.
So if you want a cat to bond with you, make sure you are someone they can rely on to be there for them day in and day out. The repetition of daily routines and interactions are key to forming a lasting bond between human and cat.[How to Bond With Your Cat](https://www.dailypaws.com/cats-kittens/behavior/cat-psychology/how-to-bond-with-your-cat)
Scent
Cats have a powerful sense of smell and use scent to identify other cats as well as their human companions. A cat’s nose has nearly 200 million odor-sensitive cells, far surpassing the mere 5 million in humans (https://catbehaviorassociates.com/how-cats-use-scent-communication/). When cats rub their heads on people or objects, they are leaving their scent, which carries pheromones, as a way to mark territory and create familiarity. They have scent glands on their cheeks, lips, chin, tail, and paws that produce pheromones. Pheromones are chemical signals that provide information to other cats about their identity and social status. Cats recognize individuals, including humans, largely through their unique scent (https://www.nomnomnow.com/learn/article/everything-you-need-to-know-about-cat-pheromones). They learn and become familiar with the scents within their home environment, which is reassuring and helps them feel secure. When introducing a new cat, rubbing a towel on each cat to transfer their scents can help them become accustomed to each other.
Body Language
Cats are very observant of human body language and will tend to bond with people who understand and respond appropriately to their non-verbal cues. According to The Definitive Guide to Cat Behavior and Body Language (Source), cats demonstrate trust and affection by slowing blinking at a person. If you return the slow blink, it signals acceptance back to the cat. Additional positive body language from humans includes smiling, extended eye contact, and leaning towards the cat. These all indicate you are open and receptive to bonding.
Conversely, cats tend to avoid humans who stare at them intensely, reach towards them quickly, or otherwise exhibit body language that appears threatening. They want humans to respect their space and allow them to initiate contact. According to Cats.org.uk (Source), you can build trust with a shy cat by turning sideways to avoid direct eye contact, speaking softly, and letting the cat approach first. This calmer body language helps create an environment for bonding.
Personality Match
Research shows that cats tend to bond with people who have a similar personality to their own (Source). For example, friendly and social cats often bond more strongly with extroverted, outgoing owners. Shy, independent cats may feel more comfortable with quieter, more introverted owners. A cat that craves routine and consistency may thrive with an owner who has a structured lifestyle. On the other hand, energetic and playful cats may find the perfect match with more spontaneous, fun-loving owners.
When a cat’s personality aligns well with their human’s, there is greater compatibility, less stress, and more opportunities for positive interactions. The human understands the cat’s needs and natural behaviors better. In turn, the cat feels more secure and is able to exhibit its true personality. This cyclical dynamic strengthens the bond over time.
It’s important to note that opposites can attract too. For instance, a bold and adventurous cat may help bring a shy owner out of their shell. Or a calm, gentle cat can have a settling effect on a high-energy home. Sometimes these opposite pairings work beautifully. The key is ensuring the cat’s core needs are still met within the dynamic.
Introducing a New Cat
When bringing a new cat into a home with existing cats, it’s important to take things slowly and gradually in order to give the cats time to get used to each other’s scent before meeting face-to-face. According to the Human Society, start by keeping the new cat separated in a room with their own food, water, litter box, toys, and bedding for a few days so the existing cats can get used to their smells under the door (source). After a couple days, let the new cat explore the home while the existing cats are confined to a room. This allows the new cat to get familiar with the environment while also leaving their scent around for the current cats to investigate. The next step is to do a site swap by putting the current cats back in the open home and confining the new cat to allow for more scent investigation.
When it’s time for a face-to-face intro, the Human Society recommends starting with a baby gate across an open doorframe and letting the cats look at and sniff each other from a distance. Feed them treats on opposite sides of the gate and do short, positive introductions. Make sure the cats have escape routes if needed. According to PAWS, this gradual introduction process can take weeks or months for cats to fully adjust and bond (source). Be patient, go at the cats’ pace, and use rewards to reinforce calm interactions.
Troubleshooting Bonding
If your cat doesn’t seem bonded to you, there are some things you can try to strengthen your relationship:
Sit quietly and let your cat come to you on their own terms. Cats tend to seek out people who are calm and quiet. Avoid prolonged direct eye contact, loud noises, and sudden movements which may startle them.
Associate yourself with positive things like treats and playtime. Set aside 10-15 minutes twice a day for scheduled play and interaction. Let them sniff treats in your hand before giving them. This helps build positive associations.
Give them space if they seem scared. Some cats need time to gain confidence. Allow them to hide and approach you when ready. Pushing too hard can cause anxiety.
Try bonding through feeding time. If your cat’s food obsessed, sit near their bowl as they eat. They’ll associate you with something they enjoy.
Use calming plugins like Feliway to reduce stress. A relaxed cat will be more open to connecting.
Be patient and consistent. Bonding takes time. Stick to a routine and avoid punishment or forcing interactions.
If behavior changes persist, consult your vet. Medical issues can cause cats to seem distant.
Summary
In summary, there are several key factors that help cats choose who to bond with. Cats tend to bond with those who provide food, shelter and routine care like cleaning the litter box. Positive interactions through playtime and petting help form an affectionate bond. Cats also rely on scents and body language to determine compatibility with humans or other cats. When introducing a new cat, go slowly and give them their own space at first. With patience and continued care and affection, you can build a close bond with your cat over time.
The main points are that cats form bonds through consistent care, affection, play and developing a routine together. While cats are independent, they thrive on companionship and will choose to bond with those who provide food, shelter, routine care and positive interactions. With time, patience and mutual understanding, humans can develop a loving bond with their cat.
