Introduction
Cats are often perceived as aloof and independent creatures. However, research shows that cats actually have complex social behaviors and ways of communicating within groups. Free-ranging cats live in colonies consisting of queens and their litters. The density of the group depends partly on food availability and distribution. Cats display affiliative behaviors like allo-rubbing and allogrooming more often with colony members than strangers. They have a social structure and relationships they work to maintain through various communicative signals and behaviors. Like many social species, cats have ways of apologizing and making amends when social bonds have been strained.
Ears Back or Flattened
When a cat’s ears go back or flatten against their head, this is usually a sign of apology or submission, especially if the ears are only partially flattened (PetBarn). The ears may also flatten as a signal of feeling anxious or fearful. Cats typically flatten their ears fully when they are very frightened, rather than just partially back. A cat flattening or pinning their ears back demonstrates they are feeling vulnerable and are trying to avoid conflict or confrontation (Catster). So if your cat’s ears go back after doing something wrong, it can be their way of apologizing and expressing regret over their actions.
Slow Blinking
Slow blinking is one way cats communicate positive emotions and affection. It’s a social greeting that cats use with each other, and also with their human companions. When a cat slowly blinks at you, it’s a sign they feel relaxed and calm in your presence. According to experts, slow blinking is the cat equivalent of a hug or blown kiss. It shows trust and contentment. [https://www.thewildest.com/cat-behavior/cat-slow-blinking]
Cats will also use slow blinking as an apologetic gesture after conflict with another cat or human. By slowly blinking, they are communicating that they come in peace and don’t intend harm. It’s a way to defuse tension and make amends when their behavior may have caused upset. Slow blinking indicates the cat is relaxed again, and not in attack mode. Responding with a slow blink back at your cat is a good way to reassure them and send the message that their apology has been accepted.
Rubbing and Head Bunting
When a cat rubs its head against you or another cat, this is called “head bunting” or “head butting.” It is a social behavior that has multiple purposes. Head bunting and rubbing shows affection, allows cats to mark objects and other cats with their scent glands, and can be a way for cats to apologize after aggressive behavior (Vet Organics; Ultimate Pet Nutrition).
Cats have scent glands on their heads, cheeks, tail area, and paws. When they rub against or head bump these areas on a person or animal, they are depositing pheromones that carry their scent. This marks the person or animal as “theirs” and part of their social group or colony (PetMD). So head bunting serves as a friendly greeting while also staking a claim.
In addition to marking territory, when cats head bunt it stimulates oxytocin production in both the cat and the recipient. This is the “love hormone” associated with bonding. So head bunting shows affection and social connection between cats. It can be a sign your cat loves and trusts you.
After aggressive incidents like biting or scratching, cats may rub or head bump their victim. This is thought to be an apology and a way to smooth over the relationship and indicate they still care about that person or animal.
Licking
Licking is one of the most common ways cats try to make amends. Licking another cat or human can signify an apology, demonstrate affection, or show deference.
When a cat licks you, it is creating a social bond and showing you acceptance. The affectionate, grooming nature of licking allows a cat to mend bridges after a conflict. Research shows that licking releases endorphins in cats, making the licking action enjoyable for them while calming both parties.
Cats may also lick each other or humans they offended as a deferential gesture. By grooming the other party, the cat communicates appeasement and avoidance of further conflict. This apologetic licking aims to please the wronged party and restore harmony in the relationship.
Crouching Posture
A crouched posture is a key body language signal cats use to communicate deference and apology. When a cat crouches with their legs tucked under, head down, and body lowered, it indicates they are trying to make themselves small and non-threatening (RSPCA). This submissive body language is a cat’s way of yielding and avoiding conflict with another cat or human. It communicates an apologetic stance where the cat is essentially saying “I’m not a threat, please don’t be angry with me.” Crouching down can also signify a cat is in pain or discomfort (Animal Hearted). But in the context of an argument or misunderstanding, a crouched posture serves as a physical expression of “I’m sorry.” It shows the cat accepts its mistake and is demonstrating submission.
Meowing
Cats use a variety of meows and chirps to communicate different messages in social situations. Unique meows can signal an apology or a desire for reconciliation after a conflict (The 10 main sounds a cat makes | Affinity Foundation). Meows tend to be shorter, more frequent, and higher-pitched when a cat is apologizing or trying to make amends. The meows may sound plaintive or solicitous as the cat tries to re-establish a friendly connection.
Cats also sometimes add chirping sounds into an apologetic sequence of meows. The combination of chirps and meows conveys an extra level of friendliness. Additionally, cats often approach slowly when apologizing, with their ears back and making steady eye contact. The body language together with the unique vocalizations indicate the cat is feeling remorseful and hoping to reconcile.
Avoiding Conflict
Cats may avoid conflict or withdraw from interaction as an apologetic gesture. According to Indoor Pet Initiative, “Cats react quickly when their feelings of safety are threatened. Some become aggressive, some become withdrawn, and some become sick” (https://indoorpet.osu.edu/cats/problemsolving/conflict). Withdrawing from interaction or conflict is a way for cats to acknowledge wrongdoing and prevent further escalation.
Catster notes that cats may also avoid conflict through “distancing behaviors that include blatant and subtle marking. Marking by scratching, rubbing objects with cheeks…” (https://www.catster.com/lifestyle/cat-behavior-tips-recognize-subtle-overt-signs-of-aggression/). These distancing behaviors allow cats to create physical separation and reduce confrontation.
Overall, avoiding interaction and withdrawing from potential conflict are clear signs a cat is trying to say sorry and prevent further issues. It is an apologetic gesture intended to acknowledge wrongdoing and keep the peace.
Human Perspective
Cats may display apologetic behaviors to humans similar to cat-cat interactions. Understanding cat body language helps interpret their social cues. Cats rely primarily on body language and vocal cues to communicate with humans. When they’ve done something perceived as wrong, cats may exhibit apologetic behaviors like flattened ears, slow blinking, head bunting, and meowing. While cats likely don’t feel guilt, they can pick up on human emotions and reactions. So they may display appeasing behaviors to diffuse tension. With proper socialization, cats learn positive behaviors that minimize conflict with humans. Building strong bonds through play and affection also reduces undesirable behaviors. So while cats can’t actually say “sorry,” their body language signals they want to maintain good relations.
According to an article on MadPaws, “How Do Cats Apologise to Their Owners?”, cats show remorse through body language like ear positioning and slow blinking (https://www.madpaws.com.au/blog/how-do-cats-apologise/). Understanding subtle cat communication helps interpret their behaviors accurately.
Conclusion
Cats have evolved complex body language and social interactions. Learning feline communication provides insight into their apologetic gestures and reconciliation behaviors. Although cats cannot speak our language, their body language conveys meaning. An attentive cat parent can recognize signs of apology, including ear positioning, slow blinking, head rubbing, crouching, and meowing. Through understanding feline body language, humans can perceive when a cat feels remorseful and desires to reconcile after a spat. While cats express themselves differently than humans, their capacity for apology and forgiveness is evident in their own unique “language.”