Define Catcalling
Catcalling refers to shouting or making comments of a sexual, threatening, or harassing nature at a stranger in public (Catcalling Definition & Meaning). It often involves using derogatory language or making inappropriate remarks about someone’s appearance. Catcalling can take various forms, including:
- Whistling
- Honking car horns
- Making kissy noises
- Shouting sexually explicit comments
- “Hey baby” remarks
- Demanding a smile
- Following or blocking paths
Regardless of the specific delivery, catcalling constitutes unwanted verbal harassment that can make the recipient feel threatened, annoyed, angry, or afraid (Catcall Definition & Meaning). It often stems from a sense of entitlement or desire to intimidate, rather than admiration. The term catcall refers to the shouts themselves.
Understand Why It Happens
Research has explored the psychology behind why some men catcall women. A study by Walton (2022) found that catcalling often stems from men asserting dominance or seeking validation from peers. The act can make catcallers feel powerful, and some use it to show off for friends. For others, catcalling serves as an ego boost to handle rejection. Though some men claim it’s harmless flirting, the study found catcalling correlates to hostile sexism and entitlement.
Another study revealed that many men who catcall view it as a normal way to flirt with women (PsyPost, 2021). They hope to get a smile or flirtatious response in return. However, most women find catcalling threatening and disrespectful. This disconnect shows that some men lack understanding of how catcalling impacts women. Additionally, some men start catcalling in their youth and carry it into adulthood, often due to peer pressure or lack of awareness (YourTango, 2023).
In summary, research indicates catcalling often stems from misguided attempts at flirtation, power dynamics, and peer pressure. Increased education on its harassing impact could help deter the behavior.
How Your GF May Feel
Your girlfriend is likely to experience a range of negative emotions from being catcalled including anger, fear, and feeling objectified. According to an article in Cosmopolitan, catcalling can make women feel “dehumanized” and “scared.” It’s an act that reduces them to sexual objects rather than equal human beings worthy of respect. Many women report feeling angry that strangers feel entitled to comment on their bodies and invade their personal space in public. Others feel fear over the possibility the harassment could escalate. As one woman stated, “I immediately go into survival mode, looking for the quickest escape.”
The experience of being catcalled is different for every woman, but most describe it as disempowering, threatening, and disrespectful. It’s important to understand your girlfriend may have strong emotional reactions to catcalling that are valid and should not be dismissed. Provide a supportive, empathetic ear so she feels comfortable opening up to you.
Don’t Blame or Shame Her
It’s never appropriate to blame or shame your girlfriend for being catcalled. Catcalling happens because of the inappropriate behavior of the harasser, not because of anything the victim did. Victim blaming is extremely harmful and perpetuates rape culture. Research shows that victims already tend to blame themselves when sexual harassment occurs. According to a study, women who are catcalled often reflect on it and blame themselves, thinking they did something to invite the harassment. This can lead to self-doubt, guilt, and a lack of reporting future incidents. As a caring partner, you should make it clear that catcalling is always wrong and your girlfriend did nothing to deserve it. Reassure her that she is not at fault in any way.
Have an Open Conversation
If your girlfriend is catcalled, it’s important to have an open and understanding conversation with her. Ask her how it made her feel and what she needs from you in that moment. Listen without judgement or blame. Let her know you are there to support her.
Some key things to discuss:
- Ask if she feels safe or if she’d like you to stay close to her
- See if she wants to leave the area or continue on
- Ask if she’d like you to report the incident or confront the harasser
- Check if she needs emotional support right away or space to process it
- Discuss ways to handle catcalling together in the future if it happens again
The most important thing is making sure she feels heard and cared for after an unsettling experience. Avoid telling her what she should do or criticizing her reaction. Let her take the lead, and make it clear you are there for whatever she needs. With open communication and compassion, you can overcome these difficult situations together.
Offer Your Support
When your girlfriend is catcalled, it’s important to validate how she feels and offer your support. Avoid blaming her or saying she is overreacting. Listen without judgment and let her know that her feelings are understandable and valid (What should you do when your girlfriend gets catcalled?, n.d.). Ask her how you can help or what she needs in that moment, whether it’s just a listening ear or intervening if she feels threatened. Make it clear you are there for her.
Offer to accompany her or pick her up if she feels unsafe walking alone where the harassment occurred. Having you there can make her feel protected and discourage further catcalling. But only intervene directly if she asks – otherwise, prioritize respecting her boundaries and wishes (What should you do when your girlfriend gets catcalled?, n.d.). Your role is to support her, not be a hero. The goal is helping her feel safe and comfortable again.
Accompany Her If Needed
If your girlfriend is frequently catcalled in a certain area, offer to accompany her when she goes there. Your presence can help deter harassers and make her feel more secure. As her partner, make yourself available to walk with her or meet up before and after she goes somewhere alone. According to sources, having someone with you can ease anxiety and fear of being harassed [1].
Simply say something like “I know you’ve had issues around here. I’m happy to join you next time if you want company.” Don’t insist if she declines, but remind her you’re there if needed. Walking together can be a show of emotional support. However, avoid confronting catcallers yourself unless your girlfriend feels threatened and unsafe. Focus on her needs and choices.
Report Serious Incidents
In cases of serious harassment or assault such as groping or flashing, you can report the incidents to law enforcement. Many acts of street harassment are legally recognized crimes and you have the right to file a police report (https://stopstreetharassment.org/strategies/reporting/).
According to RAINN, some forms of street harassment like groping and flashing are legally recognized and you can report them to the police (https://www.rainn.org/articles/street-harassment). When the harassment involves unwanted physical touching, photographing/filming without consent, or lewd exposure, a police report is warranted.
You can call 911 to report as the harassment is happening or file a report afterward at the police station. Provide details like location, description of the harasser, and exactly what happened. Though charges are uncommon, filing a report creates a record and can help identify serial harassers.
Advocate Against Catcalling
As a man, you have an opportunity to be an ally in advocating against catcalling. When you see or hear inappropriate catcalling behavior, speak up. Let the harasser know that catcalling is unacceptable. Say something like “Hey man, that’s not cool. Leave her alone.” Be firm and direct without escalating the situation. Your intervention can help stop the immediate behavior. It also signals to your girlfriend and other women that you recognize this is a serious issue and you want to be part of the solution. This article has more tips for how men can stand up against street harassment: Men, Here’s What You Can Do to Stop Street Harassment.
In addition to speaking up in the moment, talk with your male friends about the harms of catcalling. Make it clear you don’t tolerate this behavior. The more men are willing to call out inappropriate catcalling, the more momentum there will be to shift social norms. Work together to create a world where women can walk down the street without fear of harassment.
Focus on Her Needs
This experience happened to your girlfriend, not you. The most important thing is that she feels heard, understood and supported. Avoid making assumptions about how she feels or getting angry on her behalf. Instead, make it clear you are there to listen without judgment.
Ask her how the catcalling made her feel and how she would like you to respond in those situations. Every woman reacts differently. Let your girlfriend take the lead, and make it clear you will support her however she needs. She may want you to walk away quietly, confront the harasser, or report serious incidents. Respect her preferences.
Do not blame or shame her. Catcalling is never the victim’s fault. Victim blaming will only make her feel worse. Provide reassurance that she did nothing wrong and does not deserve to be treated that way.
It is impossible to control the behavior of others, but you can control how you respond. Keep the focus on providing your girlfriend with care, empathy and support. This will help mitigate the negative impacts of catcalling and empower her.