Help! A Catfish is Blackmailing Me – What Should I Do?

Definition of catfishing and blackmail

Catfishing refers to the practice of luring someone into a relationship using a fictional online persona. According to the url, catfishing involves creating fake profiles on social media sites, dating apps, or other online platforms using someone else’s photos and fabricated biographical information.

The goal is to deceive the victim into believing they are in a relationship with someone who does not actually exist. Reasons for catfishing include seeking attention, financial gain, revenge, or exploring an idealized version of oneself. Approximately 20,000 people per year are victims of catfishing scams in the U.S. alone based on url

Blackmail refers to making threats, usually of public exposure of embarrassing information, in order to extort money, favors, or compliance from the victim. In the context of catfishing, blackmail can occur if the catfisher threatens to reveal details about the fake relationship unless the victim complies with demands for money or further interaction.

someone looking shocked as they read a blackmail message

How catfishing blackmail happens

Catfishing blackmail typically starts with the catfish posing as someone else to gain the victim’s trust. The catfish may use a fake identity and stolen photos to convince the victim they are someone they know or a romantic interest (1). Once they have established a relationship, the catfish will manipulate the victim into sharing embarrassing information, photos, or videos. This could involve coercing the victim into undressing or engaging in sexual acts on camera (2).

After obtaining compromising material on the victim, the catfish reveals their true identity and blackmails the victim. They may threaten to share the embarrassing information online or with the victim’s friends and family if the demands are not met. Typical demands include money, gift cards, or further sexual material from the victim (3). Victims often feel ashamed and afraid of what will happen if they do not comply with the blackmail.

Don’t panic, assess the situation

The first thing to do when faced with a catfishing blackmail attempt is to not panic. Take a deep breath and try to calmly analyze the situation before reacting. Determine if the threat seems credible and serious. Does the blackmailer have your actual personal information or compromising content? Or are they simply making vague threats? Carefully review any supposed evidence they provide to see if it seems legitimate.

Next, gauge how damaging the information or content could be if the blackmailer followed through on their threats. Could it truly harm your reputation, relationships, or livelihood if revealed? Or would it be embarrassing but not life-ruining? Understanding the potential consequences can help you respond appropriately. For example, if the risks seem minor, you may decide not to give in to their demands. However, if the blackmailer has seriously compromising content, you may need to take more significant action.

Staying calm and doing a thorough risk assessment gives you power over the situation. Don’t act rashly out of fear. Make sure you have all the facts before deciding how to proceed.

Secure accounts and devices

a person changing passwords and securing online accounts

One of the first steps to take when dealing with catfish blackmail is to secure any accounts and devices that may have been compromised. Change passwords on all accounts, making sure to use strong passwords that are at least 12 characters long and include upper and lowercase letters, numbers, and symbols (McAfee). Enable two-factor authentication on any accounts that offer it, as this adds an extra layer of security beyond just a password (Wired 2021).

It’s also a good idea to check your devices for any spyware or malware that could be allowing the catfisher access. Run scans using reputable anti-malware software like Malwarebytes, Microsoft Defender Antivirus, or HitmanPro to detect and remove anything suspicious (Business News Daily 2020). Avoid clicking links or opening attachments from unknown sources. Be cautious when installing new apps as well, as these can sometimes contain malware.

Limiting the amount of personal information you make publicly available online can also make you less vulnerable to catfish blackmail. Go through your social media privacy settings and lock down anything you want to keep private. The less a potential catfisher knows about you and your life, the less ammunition they have to use against you.

Don’t pay the blackmailer

The worst thing you can do when being blackmailed is give in and pay the demands. This will only empower the blackmailer and prolong the issue. According to What Happens If You Pay A Blackmailer? – How To Avoid It (, paying the blackmailer shows them that their tactics work and they are likely to ask for more money in the future.

Additionally, paying provides no guarantee that the blackmailer won’t reveal the information anyway. As the article Why is it a bad idea to pay off the person blackmailing you? ( explains, “The blackmailer may continue to threaten you with the information they have, hoping to force you into compliance.” Giving in to demands also makes the blackmailer less likely to simply move on and target someone else.

The best course of action is refusing to engage with the blackmailer’s demands. This takes away their leverage and power over you. While scary, staying strong against payment demands gives you the upper hand in the long run.

Collect evidence

someone refusing a blackmail payment demand

One of the most important steps is to collect and preserve any evidence of the blackmail demands and threats. This evidence can be critical in proving the blackmail and tracing the blackmailer. Some tips for collecting evidence:

  • Save copies of all communications with the blackmailer. This includes emails, chat logs, social media messages, texts, letters, or phone transcripts if you recorded the calls. Save these on your computer or a separate external drive.
  • Take screenshots of any blackmailing messages or posts online. Also screenshot your account settings or contacts that show where the messages originated. Print out the screenshots or save them in multiple locations.
  • Document all your interactions and encounters with the blackmailer. Write down dates, times, methods of communication, and details of what was said in each interaction.
  • Note any identifying information about the blackmailer – screennames, phone numbers, email addresses, social media accounts, etc. This can help track them down.
  • Preserve all original evidence files, emails, accounts, etc. Do not alter or delete anything.

Having a well-documented record of the blackmail interactions will be invaluable when reporting to authorities. It provides proof of the blackmail and harassment.

Report to authorities

If you are being blackmailed, it’s important to report it to the authorities. Here are some steps you can take:

File a complaint with the police. You can go to your local police station and file a report about the blackmail. Provide them with all the details you have, including any threats made, evidence of the catfishing and blackmail, and your suspicions about who may be behind it. The police can investigate and may be able to identify the perpetrator. According to the Quora article, start by reporting it to your local police and provide any evidence you have.

Report fake accounts used for catfishing/blackmail to social media platforms. Most social networks have policies against impersonation, harassment, and extortion. You can report the fake profiles used in the catfishing and blackmail scheme directly to the platforms. They may be able to remove the accounts and preserve content as evidence. According to this source, report blackmail on social media sites like Facebook, Instagram, etc. by using their built-in reporting tools.

Be transparent with loved ones

Being blackmailed can be an isolating and traumatic experience. However, reaching out to close friends and family for support during this time can help provide much-needed comfort. Let your inner circle know what’s happening so they understand the situation and can support you emotionally. Lean on people you trust for advice on navigating the blackmail. Getting input from people who know you well can help provide perspective. Though it may feel embarrassing or shameful, understand that you are the victim in this situation. Your loved ones are there to help bear this burden with you.

It’s especially important to be transparent with your spouse or significant other, if you have one. Bringing them in early and communicating openly prevents misunderstandings and shows that you have nothing to hide. Present any evidence you have and explain the full context. Make it clear the blackmail was done without your consent. Together you can make a plan to address the blackmail in a strategic way while supporting each other emotionally.

Remember that asking for help from those who care about you does not make you weak or foolish. You are wisely utilizing your support network to help get through a crisis. Being transparent with trusted loved ones can guide you towards making the best decisions during a difficult time.

Consult a lawyer

It’s important to get professional legal help assessing your options when faced with catfishing blackmail. An experienced lawyer can provide guidance on the best course of action based on the specifics of your situation.

One option a lawyer may advise is sending a cease and desist letter to the blackmailer. A cease and desist letter demands that the blackmailer stop their illegal extortion attempts. Though not always effective, a letter from a lawyer signals that you are taking the matter seriously and may convince them to stop out of fear of getting into further legal trouble. The letter also documents the blackmail incident, which could aid police investigations. Consult with your lawyer on whether sending a cease and desist is recommended for your circumstances.

In addition to cease and desist letters, a knowledgeable lawyer can advise if any other legal action can be taken, such as getting a restraining order or pursuing criminal charges. They can walk you through the process step-by-step. An attorney can also represent you if the blackmailer does attempt to follow through on threats and file charges or lawsuits against you.

Handling catfishing blackmail is challenging, but the legal expertise of an attorney can help protect you and turn the situation around. Don’t try to face it alone.

Seek counseling if needed

a person consulting a lawyer about catfishing blackmail

The emotional effects of being catfished and blackmailed can linger even after the incident is over. Seeking counseling can help you process the traumatic experience, manage feelings of violation, and prevent self-blame.

It’s important not to blame yourself for being manipulated by a catfisher. They are masters at gaining trust through deception. A good therapist can validate your feelings and help restore your self-esteem.

Look for a counselor who specializes in treating victims of online crimes like catfishing. Find a therapist you feel comfortable opening up to. Talking through the details of how you were targeted can bring perspective and closure.

Don’t underestimate the value of counseling. Having a safe, judge-free space to process the emotional fallout can facilitate healing after catfishing trauma. With professional guidance, you can regain security and trust in yourself and others.

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